At Christmas time I was thinking about Canada and this is what I thought.

Only in Canada do people order a cheeseburger, large fries and a diet coke.

With the downturn in the economy we cut back on essentials and buy more beer.

We leave expensive cars in the driveway and junk in the garage.

In many ways, Canadians are quite similar to Americans. Yet when we describe ourselves in foreign lands, the first thing we point out is that we are not American.

One thing different about us is that Canadians drink more coffee per capita than any other nation. We think of ourselves as harmless but this is also the only country where you can read a bumper sticker that says "Gimmee my Timmies and no one gets hurt."

The farming community is not immune from absurdities.

In Ontario, only 11.5 per cent of corn, soybean and wheat farmers voted in favour of amalgamating their marketing boards, so they amalgamate anyway.

To oversee the vote, the Ontario government appoints a commission, designed to provide fair procedure in determining the outcome, but in doing so it outlines no criteria on what successful voter participation should be.

Interestingly, it took the American government four hours to oversee counting 100 million votes and declare a winner in the most powerful nation on earth. But it took more than two months for the Ontario-appointed commission to have 3,266 votes counted and make a decision even though they hired specialists to help.

The new amalgamated commodity board will retain all employees from the three boards, in spite of redundant positions and in spite of the fact that no farmer would operate his own farm this way.

The Canadian Federation of Agriculture wants you to know that it is totally impartial and that Canada’s largest farm lobby group speaks on behalf of all farmers. But in the last federal election its president ran as a Liberal candidate, lost, and the next day was once again speaking on behalf of all farmers.

When it comes to Canadian politics we don’t want to talk about it. So, why is it that politically-correct people are nice but are the last ones we’d invite to play golf or to a BBQ?

You know you’re in Canada when the following question can be taken seriously. Would we get more interested in politics if politicians decided policy with a hockey puck on the pond?

Another Canadian difference: When a Canadian puts up his fists like a boxer and asks: "Want to play hockey?" Canadians know it’s a joke but Americans aren’t so sure.

Back to politics. Only in Canada is the Prime Minister criticized for suspending Parliament when three opposition parties decide to overthrow the government. But it’s okay for the three opposition parties to execute a coup d’etat and give veto power to the one party whose first priority is to break up the country.

We also have a funny way of looking at world events.

The largest demonstrations in Canada over the war in Gaza condemn Israel, even though Gaza fired first, had been firing every day and for a very long time. In fact, thousands of missiles were launched into Israeli towns over several years. How long would it take the United States to react if , say, we started lobbing bombs into Albany, New York?

Canadian journalists think George W. Bush is the worst U.S. president ever but since 9/11 there has not been one terrorist strike on American soil and the Bush administration has stopped more than 30 attempts, including plans to blow up the Brooklyn Bridge, bomb the New York subway system and topple the Sears Tower in Chicago.

Speaking of the Canadian news media, if you invited an east European visitor to Canada to listen to the CBC and later told him the acronym stands for Communist Brainwashing Corporation he would likely believe you.

If most daily newspaper reporters were replaced by people as nerdy as mathematicians, we might actually get fair and balanced news stories.

Go to Chapters bookstores and you will find an avalanche of books but will be hard pressed to find answers to life’s most important questions.

Only in Canada, do people hope for snow and in February pray that it stops.