Our society still equates success and competence with
the amount of money a person makes or how much a person charges. Pretty
well everyone thinks they are worth more than society is willing to reward
them. Unions squeeze more out for some employees. Some companies, like
those in the computer industry, build a mystique about themselves.
Members of parliament complain they are worth more,
when they take hefty raises for themselves. They tell people through media
interviews they could get more in industry. Mutual fund managers and banks
have been filling their pockets, but as one farmer with a mutual fund told
us recently: "My bank makes a profit but it doesn’t make a profit
for me."
What things are and what they appear to be are often mutually
exclusive. Sometime the emperor has no clothes or is as scantily clad as
beauties form Bay Watch. Thinking along these lines we started to ask a
few questions, on the state of the nation, which we’ll share with you.
1. If Bill Gates, owner of Microsoft, made automobiles
with the same precision as he makes computer software, would they crash
more or less often?
2. If Canada Post ran Tim Horton’s, how long would it
take to get a cup of coffee?
3. If artificial insemination units can become
deregulated and calves dehorned, can bulls become deranged?
4. If General Motors ran a donut shop, how much would a
donut cost?
5. If Liberal MPs wrote history books, who would have
won the First World War and the Second World War?
6. If Prime Minister Jean Chretien wrote grammar books
for Ontario grade 10 students, would the literacy failure rate be above or
below the current 26 per cent?
7. If the government ran the weather, would it be
better or worse?
8. If the House of Commons were required to produce a
manure management plan, would debate be cut by a half or three quarters?
9. A city of Ottawa politician told a hearing on
nutrient management regulations in Kemptville no other industry was
allowed to pollute the way agriculture does. Since the car industry
apparently doesn’t exist in his mind, did he travel to Kemptville from
Ottawa on a bicycle, the wings of an angel or on the back of a honey
wagon?
10. If all the farmers in the world went organic, how
much would a loaf of bread cost?
11. If farms along the St. Lawrence, poured as much
sewage into the river as Brockville and Kingston, how many charges would
the Department of Fisheries have laid?
12. The city of Ottawa isn’t smart enough to run its
hospitals, school board and fire department. So what qualifies it to
regulate farming practices?
13. In the U.S. the main pollution in rural areas is
attributed to wealthy rurbans. Are activists who rail against intensive
farming diverting attention from themselves?
14. If beef producers were a monopoly like Ontario
Hydro and airports, could they raise the price of beef to pay past debt,
expensive severance packages for family off to college, future
construction and a two-week vacation to a spa in Spain?
15. If the federal government took over the Hastings
County Farm Show, would it re-locate the show to Shawinigan?
16. If a hen and a half laid an egg and a half in a day
and a half, how long would it take a monkey to kick the seeds out of a
dill pickle?
17. Theoretically if a monkey pecks at a typewriter
long enough, statisticians say, he can type a book. Have you ever heard of
a monkey who typed a single sentence?
18. The government of Canada issued five million too
many Social Insurance Numbers and can’t find two million guns in the gun
registry. Should anyone be surprised that the 2001 crop assistance money
came a year late?
19. If the province of Ontario charges $150 for a
nutrient management course that may or may not be valid, how much would it
charge for one with a guarantee?
20. If you put $100 into a saving account, how long
would it be before service fees ate your savings?
21. If people paid a clergyman as much as they paid a
lawyer to write a letter, would clergymen, too, become the butt of nasty
jokes?
22. If Canada continues to bring in a quarter of a million immigrants
each year, when will the Toronto road system reach gridlock?
